Its very good storyline.
I that we are all guessing who or what this watcher is. Each person is putting their own interpretation on your words and THAT is how you make a good story in the fusion of writer and reader.
Also, on suspence you Milfs in Vienna mo great.
All of us can picture her, the fear, the anticipation, the excitement. The edge of your seat comment says it all you nailed that perfect.
To improve, your climax peters. As if your sexual energy is waning, like after orgasm. You need the orgasm in the story; there's a reason its ed a climax.
You don't have to tell any more about the watcher, but you need your heroine's energy up. I like the way you rebuild, her fantasies of who he is and looking at people askance is very well.
Timing, you start out forward, go backward is good, classicbut we don't quite know where you are timing-wise at the end. Are you before the first sentence or after it?
The timing can actually have a huge impact on the climax I know it doesn't seem like it, but trust me. Next, add more description.
This is my weak spot. I can the scenes Sweet women looking hot sex Missoula well, know the characters so well, that I forget to tell anyone about. What seems useless and redundant to you is neccessary to us. To help, start by naming your heroine if you can, this give you more synonyms for.
Then start by layering take each piece of the scene and describe it the girl, her clothes, the garden, the kitchen, the town. To Casual Hook Ups Arboles Colorado 81121 I'm talking about grab two books, one great and one mediocre, and compare a similar scene.
I did it once and found over twice the of words in the good one. The hard part is choosing 1 word to say exactly what you want, so you don't get wordy.